Empower Me! The Empowered Black Women’s Network

Many times, people are torn between moving on to greener pastures and remaining loyal to their employer or team. For people who have had pleasant working experiences with their job, it’s often hard to think about leaving friends and co-workers behind and there is a sense of disloyalty that runs through their head. For people who have had rotten experiences, they can’t get out fast enough and often don’t think things through; which results in a lot of burned bridges.  In either case, there is an unspoken etiquette to moving on.  Leaving a job takes planning, believe it or not.

Always be looking for your next opportunity. Whether or not you’re happy, you always need to keep a contingency plan in the back of your mind.  As proven this year by the investment banking implosion, you never know when your time is up.  Even if you were heavily recruited like a first round draft pick, you still need to be cautious.  Keep up with the industry and what’s going on in other businesses you may wish to work with at some point of your career. This intel will come in handy when you decide (or it’s decided for you) that it’s time to go.

Always re-evaluate your worth. Each year, you need to step back and evaluate whether your total compensation is on par with industry standards for your particular role in your geographical area. Sites like Salary.com and Payscale.com can give you an idea of salary ranges. Also factor in your performance factor. If you are under performing you cannot realistically expect to get a raise.  Compensation is a huge component of changing jobs.  Make sure your reviews bring earned raises and bonuses for your performance.  When you’re seeking your next opportunity, think in terms of base salary because not all companies have the same bonus structures.  That’s something you can discuss when you get into the interview process.  Be realistic and negotiable, but don’t sell yourself short.

Create a plan. Like I mentioned, you can’t just leave.  That’s asking for disaster and it doesn’t look very favorable for you when employers see you are willing to just leave.  If you’ve hung in there as long as you could, and still can’t take it any more or seek more in your career, start with a plan.  Write down your thoughts and desires for your new career or position. Research on the internet and through reading (magazines, journals, newspapers) to get an idea of what appeals to you and what companies you’d like to work with.  Create a time line for when you wish to make your move.  Schedule time for vacation or personal days off, if possible, so you can freely begin to interview and not infringe on your employer’s time.  Create a list of key people you need to connect with or be introduced to that may be able to help you with your strategy.

Get out there and start your ground strategy. Start scheduling some face time (or at least phone time) with some of your network contacts and new acquaintances and have informational sessions.  These should not be full fledged interviews, rather, a chance to get to know their company and industry.  Attend networking events that are inline with your professional goal.  Get to know the key players and start building relationships with them.  After initial meetings, go back home and research them and open a line of communication with them.  Find commonalities and use those as a foundation for building a relationship. The more prepared you are, the better your search should go.

Don’t wait until you’re leaving to tap your network. This is an act I despise most.  It really irks me when people don’t contact me for months, years, decades and then all of a sudden because they need something, they decide to chit chat.  Don’t do that.  It’s rude and selfish.  You’ve heard me say countless times that your network needs to be cultivated and that means building relationships. While I’m not suggesting you email them every week, get into the habit of regular contact.  This could be quarterly, semi-annually or annually.  People like to help or do business with people they know.  And this is especially true when you’re looking for a job.  Don’t take the risk of appearing rude or selfish.  And as always, make sure you give something back in return.

Translate your skills and experience into new areas. Now, as a recruiter, it is my job to find matches based on what the hiring manager needs.  Sometimes these managers are inflexible and have specific requirements of their applicants.  Some times I can talk them into relaxing their requirements and look at comparable skills, but most times I can’t.  That is true for most recruiters.  So it’s up to you to really sell yourself.  Way before you start job hunting, examine your skills and accomplishments.  Read the different postings on various job boards to get an idea of what people are looking for.  Talk to people in different companies and industries who would be considered your counterparts and ask about typical routines and expected accomplishments. Journal your findings and thoughts on your own skills.  Run through scenarios where your skills could translate.  Once you have this down, when you begin interviewing, you can show your true value to potential employers.  Bridge your talents to the job and find the connection.

What will you look back on and be proud of in your career? Keep track of all of your “hits” and document them. Reference them in your resume, but don’t go into deep detail.  Word it in a way that makes the reader interested in learning more. Then in your interview, you can give them full details. Substantiate you hits with written references from supervisors, team mates and/or clients.

Set up a resume for success. Highlight accomplishments and awards. If you write for or own websites or blogs, list them.  Social media is becoming hugely acceptable by recruiters these days.  They want to get a look into your thought process.  Don’t write your resume as a chronological listing of job descriptions.  Anyone can lift verbiage from job ads or descriptions.  Nobody cares about the generic description of what your supposed to do in a job.  They care about what you actually accomplished and how good you were at your job. If you’ve jumped around quite a bit, as in the case of contractors, prepare a functional resume.  Always try to keep your resume at two pages. Anything beyond that is clutter.  As a rule of thumb, go back ten years in detail, and condense the rest.  Always focus on key accomplishments and significant contributions.

Assemble your cheering section and get it in writing. Now is the time to get the people who support and encourage you best to speak on your behalf.  Ask for letters of reference and ask them to honestly give their assessment of you professionally. Do not confuse this with Linked In recommendations.  Those are good if people go to your profile and read them.  But you should have a career portfolio, and part of that portfolio is a section with written recommendations and acknowledgments.  While you’re asking for references, make sure the people you ask are open to you listing them as references.  Be courteous and let them know each time you use them as a reference so they’ll be prepared for phone calls or email.

Sometimes it takes a lot to decide to leave a job.  The bottom line is you have to remain loyal to yourself and make the decisions that are best for your professional success.  There’s a right and a wrong way to do it.  Make sure you always do it the right way.

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers- The Modern Girl’s Guide to Fearless Networking

By popular demand, Go Ahead is now available online! No matter where you are in the world, you can now participate in this very important workshop.

Let’s face it, this economy is on shaky ground. As witnessed by the collapse of some of Wall Street’s powerhouse companies like Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns, we never know when our cushy job is in jeopardy. If your company collapsed tomorrow, what would you do? Do you have a contingency plan like starting a business? Do you have a solid network of key decision makers who could help you in landing your next opportunity? Chances are if you haven’t taken the time to build a strong network, you don’t have many allies who can help you in a pinch.

Go Ahead Talk, to Strangers, based on the book written by Adrienne Graham, gives you the foundations of becoming a fearless networker. In this session, some of what you will learn includes:

* Branding yourself

* Build, communicate with and tap into your network

* Networking with top executives and key decision makers

* Making a memorable impression on the people you meet

* Positioning yourself as a subject matter expert and an asset

* Being a fearless networker

* Navigating and tapping into traditional and social networking

* Using networking to advance your career or build your business

Don’t miss this dynamic session that prepares you to become a powerful and empowered networker. Your real networking experience begins at this seminar. Adrienne Graham gives attendees a look into her own networking journey, shares her experiences and best advice on building your own network from a position of confidence and strength, and gets the audience involved in interactive networking exercises.

Date: November 22, 2008

Time: 11 AM- 2 PM

Location: Online- log in information provided after payment is received.

Cost: $69

Register today:

Space is limited and advanced registration is required. Must have internet access to attend this session. Drawings will be conducted for a $25 American Express Gift Check, a copy of the book Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers, and 1 free networking coaching session with Adrienne Graham. Event will be recorded.

Well here we are. I just wrote about us sucking it up and getting past these tough economic times.  Some people thought it was a bit harsh while others praised and agreed with me.  Instead of reprimanding everyone and complaining about this crisis, I figured I’d give you some tips on weathering these times.  I’ve pretty much given tips for career women, but now it’s time to help out our entrepreneurial sisters.

I believe obstacles are really opportunities and God’s way of telling you to take another road. Every time I had an obstacle, I tried to rise above it or go through it. Some times I managed to do it.  But some times I couldn’t.  I learned that I needed to step back and let God guide me the right way.  Always follow God. For every obstacle you encounter, search for new opportunity because He may just be leading you to the right opportunity.

Disaster and crisis can hit at any time out of no where with no warning. It is up to you to create a disaster plan way before times of crisis so you’re not caught off guard.  Make sure you share this plan with your staff or team and make sure they understand it.  The last thing any business owners wants to to be totally immobilized during a crisis. Make sure you create a printed document and keep it onsite, online and someplace offsite that you or a staff member can get to if necessary.  Be sure to outline policies, directives for key staff members, how to handle client concerns, where to find critical data that will keep the business going, and a location for your staff to go to regroup and await direction. In addition to a written disaster or crisis plan, it is vitally important to keep data secure and accessible offsite.  For instance, I keep my data on two computers (one is used as a server) and on a few flash drives.  I also have a company that backs up my data offsite.  So I know that I can access my data should any number of crisis occur. Now a financial crisis isnt the same as a natural disaster, the ruleso engagement are different.  But it helps because you never know what can happen during a crisis.  An employee can go rogue and steal data.  People can make mistakes that are costly. Be safe rather than sorry.

I went to the Black Enterprise conference in May 2008 and the CEO of Liberty Bank & Trust, Alden McDonald shared his experience during the Katrina tragedy.  He lost several branches of his bank, which had been doing outstanding from a financial and business standpoint.  Six branches were lost under water and two were vandalized.  80% of his customer base was under water and his entire computer system was shut down.  Nobody could have ever predicted the disaster that Katrina would cause, but a lot of businesses ended up destroyed and/or closed.  What saved Mr. McDonald was not a disaster plan, but his overall treatment of his employees.  He lives by the premise that loyalty to employees gets loyalty in return.  His employees remained dedicated to the company. As an example of loyalty, Mr. McDonald guarantees a summer job for employee’s children 16 years old and older. Employees with five or more years of service are guaranteed home ownership.  He invests in trainers to make sure employees stay healthy.  So while a solid disaster plan would have made sense, the fact that he had loyalty made a bigger impact than a plan.

For people who have “been there before” understand the logistics of having no capital.  Nothing beats the experience of being poor or broke (two words I don’t allow in my home or in my presence).  You are forced to make things work on limited dollars.  So those of you who have been there before, you understand. Nothing trumps the experience of bootstrap living than actually going through it.  For those who haven’t gone through it, it may be a little tougher for you because you are not equipped in dealing with these economic times.  But I’m telling you that you can make it through.  Now is the time to think about multiple streams of income.  That insures that money will be coming in from somewhere. Now is the time to start thinking about complimentary products or services that work in tandem with your existing products or services.  For example, someone who owns a salon may look at adding products.  If you or someone on your team makes outstanding hair products, work on developing them and offering them to clients.  If you are a recruiter or own a staffing company, think about offering resume development services or training in whatever your area of expertise is.  If you are a caterer who also bakes like nobody’s business, think about adding desserts to your menu.  There are always ways to make additional money.  You just have to tap into your inner passions and expertise and bring them to fruition.  Don’t let the fact that cash flow is low deter you.  Bartering (if done responsibly and fairly) can get you over the hump of a cash crunch.  But be sure you can offer something of value in return when you barter.  But whatever you do, don’t get stuck in being broke.  Let that serve as your motivation to make money and keep cash flow going in your business.

There are a lot of snake oil salesmen out there trying to get people to spend money on “Business Opportunities”.  They feed off the fear of people with cash problems by promising you can make tons of money with no money down in real estate, you can make tons of money by joining an MLM program, and my favorite are the seminars that lure you in under the guise of giving you some earth shattering secrets of becoming wealthy.  Only thing is they are the only ones who get wealthy because people think by buying these seminars, books, tapes and “coaches” that they too can become wealthy.  Not all coaches are unscrupulous.  But you must be careful.  Starting a business is not as easy as people make it seem.  Why spend money on books when you can surf the internet for free to get all the information you need.  If you’re going to start a business, I would much rather you take your money and invest it in your own business, not someone else’s.  So beware of the “call to stop being poor” by these snake oil salesmen.  Do you research and make the decisions based on your needs and gut feelings.

Don’t be afraid to trim the fat.  This is the perfect time to get rid of dead weight.  Demand that your employees step up and reach their true potential or be let go.  You are throwing good money out the window by keeping people who under perform.  They are depleting your cash and not doing anything to help improve your business.  Cut that expense loose and don’t have an ounce of remorse about it.  Remember, your business pays your bills.  You wouldn’t just give money out of your pocket to just anybody.  Protect your business.

Look for low cost ways to market your business.  You don’t need thousands of dollars to market or advertise your business.  Look for tie ins and niche mediums (websites, social networks, magazines, etc) to have a platform for your business.  Sit down and create a marketing and public relations campaign that will get you maximum exposure for the least amount of dollars.  Take advantage of You Tube and podcasts to showcase your expertise and never let an opportunity go by where you don’t mention your business.  Make your staff your campaigners.  Barack Obama has one of the most phenomenal marketing campaigns ever seen in a political race.  Fast Company Magazine featured a story about Brand Obama.   It is definitely worth reading.  He has taken to new media and social networking and created a hard hitting strategy that has worked for him.  Take a page from his book.  Whether you’re voting for him or not, the one thing you have to agree with is he has been very effective and has phenomenal momentum.  Remember, this is the age of the new generation of technology.  Embrace it and use it for your own business.

Finally, I would tell everyone keep a cool head.  Now is not the time to take big risks if you are not equipped to handle the outcome (good or bad).  Find ways to budget better and don’t spend money recklessly.  Invest in the technology and people who will help grow your business.  Treat your people right and they will stick with you through the bad times. Stay true to your clients and give them the truth coupled with exemplary service.  You stay true to them and they will reciprocate that loyalty to you.  Don’t panic and stop watching the news.  This crisis doesn’t have to be as detrimental to everyone as the media claims it is.  As long as you remain calm and use this as an opportunity to stretch your creative mind.  And most importantly, when this crisis is over, and it will be, keep this experience in mind and take the new skills you learned and keep them in practice.  That way if a crisis were to hit again, you’ll be well prepared to handle it.

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers- The Modern Girl’s Guide to Fearless Networking

Let’s face it, this economy is on shaky ground.  As witnessed by the collapse of some of Wall Street’s powerhouse companies like Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns, we never know when our cushy job is in jeopardy.  If your company collapsed tomorrow, what would you do? Do you have a contingency plan like starting a business? Do you have a solid network of key decision makers who could help you in landing your next opportunity?  Chances are if you haven’t taken the time to build a strong network, you don’t have many allies who can help you in a pinch.

Go Ahead Talk, to Strangers, based on the book written by Adrienne Graham, gives you the foundations of becoming a fearless networker.  In this session, some of what you will learn includes:

• Branding yourself
• Build, communicate with and tap into your network
• Networking with top executives and key decision makers
• Making a memorable impression on the people you meet
• Positioning yourself as a subject matter expert and an asset
• Being a fearless networker
• Navigating and tapping into traditional and social networking
• Using networking to advance your career or build your business

Don’t miss this dynamic session that prepares you to become a powerful and empowered networker. Your real networking experience begins at this seminar. Adrienne Graham gives attendees a look into her own networking journey, shares her experiences and best advice on building your own network from a position of confidence and strength, and gets the audience involved in interactive networking exercises.

Date: November 15, 2008
Time: 11 AM- 2 PM
Location: TBA
Cost: $69
Register today:

Seating is limited and advanced registration is required.  Refreshments served. Drawings will be conducted for a $25 American Express Gift Check, a copy of the book Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers, and 1 free networking coaching session with Adrienne Graham.

Stay tuned- Since I can’t be in all cities at all times, this workshop will be coming to a webinar near you! Details to follow.

OK ladies. The pity party is over. Yes, I am well aware of this fast sinking economy, foreclosure landslide and job eliminations. I hear about it from many people, see it on every news channel, read it in every paper and magazine I encounter. I’m only 39, but haven’t we been here before? I’m pretty sure we have been, and this won’t be the last time. I too have been affected by this crisis and I’m as mad as anyone else. But I’ve decided to rise above it and take care of myself in the process. I know I will be better than OK when this is all over.

I come from a family that values long term dedication to one job, one company. The entrepreneurial bug skipped a generation obviously. I was told that my grandparents were entrepreneurial. They had to be because of the times they lived in. But my parents come from that 25+ years of service retiring with a gold watch line of thinking. But that ain’t me! Employer loyalty flew out the window a long time ago. Companies are giving people the axe left and right. Thankfully this generation is full of free spirits and entrepreneurs who look at this crisis as opportunity and not as disaster. That is who I am. I don’t wait for opportunities to find me. I evaluate the situation and start planning as soon in the game as possible. I don’t let someone’s decisions dictate my future or my fate. That mindset will get me through this crisis. And it will help you too.

There are tons of people flooding the job market through no fault of their own. We have crooked Wall Streeters and Government to thank for that. People who were secure in their cushy jobs with their plush bonuses thought the world was fabulous. But when the rug was pulled out from under them, they found themselves in tough situations they had not prepared for. Now, those who were living check to check or barely getting by were affected too. The only difference is they were used to being without. Naturally there is a huge panic (spurred on by the media no doubt) that the world is going broke and that we’ll all be on the soup line soon. Comfortable people are terrified to death. The budget conscious are cautiously guarded. So where does everyone go from here?

Well first of all, the pity party needs to end now. Stop listening to the news and the pundits. You can survive this. You should be writing down your goals, reviewing your skills and accomplishments, surveying the job market, and reaching out to contacts. There are opportunities out there, believe it or not, but they are not going to find you. You have to go out and find them or better yet create them. Anger, sadness, bitterness are all understandable emotions. You should be all of those. But don’t let them keep you in bed under the covers. You get one week maximum for that. Use those emotions to fuel your next move. Think about your idol or role model. What would they do in this instance? Once you’ve figured that out, take on that mindset yourself. Don’t let this economy fool you into believing that there are no opportunities out there. We live in the internet and information age. You can make money, start a new career and start a business with little or no money. We are a capitalist society. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You can control your fate and keep from crashing.

Once you’ve taken inventory on what you can and like to do, and what’s available, start going for what you want. Talk to people. Tap into your network and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Listen to what people are telling you but take it with a grain of salt. If anyone wants to speak negativity in the air, cut ties with them. Now is the time for positivity and support. Align yourself with power players. If you dig deep into your network, I’m sure you can find some. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We all need help from time to time. Don’t let your pride or fear keep you from reaching your goals. If you’re not comfortable starting a full time business, try it as a side gig. Go to the SBA and get a mentor to guide you through start up. Once you’re comfortable going out on your own, don’t ever look back. You can take your skills, experience and contacts, and turn that into a business. But be sure you are up to the challenge of running a business. Not everyone is meant to have a business. It takes a passion and dedication to start and maintain a business. If you don’t have what it takes, don’t try it. But be honest with yourself.

If starting a business isn’t your thing, start planning your next career move. There is no law that says you have to be married to one career for all of your adult life. Start looking at how your skills transfer to another industry or career. Don’t be afraid to seek a career coach to help you put it all in perspective. I would take those career personality tests with a grain of salt. You know what your likes and dislikes are. Trust in that and stay true to your heart. Career Coaches are great allies, but be sure they are guiding you and not telling you what to do with your life. Anyone trying to push you into something doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Again, reach out to your network. Set up meetings with trusted individuals and ask about their industry and company. Research as much as you can. Ask to shadow someone to see if you would even like the new career. Look at the good and the bad. There is a very real chance that you’ll have to start from the bottom up. You must be willing to do what it takes to succeed. You have to take it all into consideration when making your decisions. Whatever you do, stick to your guns. If a new career is what you want, then go get it because it’s yours to have.

It’s easy to crawl up in bed and cry about the state of the world. But you have to decide if you want to be a part of the recovery or a victim. I choose to be part of the recovery. You learn more about yourself when you go through tough times. Money can be made, lost and made again. Don’t think of your life in terms of your paycheck or even title. Think about it as a wonderful adventure, an opportunity to learn what you’re made of. If life was meant to be easy, none of us would ever have to make decisions or think for ourselves. I say bring on the tough times because I’m prepared to beat them. Are you?

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

Hi all,

I came across this article in Fortune Magazine and wanted to share. This is part of the article, but I’ve provided the link.

How women are redefining power

The traditional male style doesn’t appeal to many women, says an eminent executive coach, and that’s okay. Women’s own style works just fine, if they let it.

By Anne Fisher, senior writer
October 10, 2008: 9:40 AM ET

(Fortune) — Not long ago, in a workshop with a group of senior executives, coach Lois Frankel tried a little experiment.

“You look like a pretty powerful person,” she remarked, in a friendly tone, to one of the female honchos in the room. The woman reacted by demurring: “Who, me? No, no, I’m not really powerful…”

A few minutes later, Frankel made the same comment to a man in the group, whose executive rank was roughly the same as his female peer’s. His response was radically different. He preened a little, acknowledged the compliment, and accepted it as his due.

“Women are often uncomfortable using the word ‘power’ in relation to themselves, and no wonder,” says Frankel. “If we had to let men define power for us, we wouldn’t want it.” A Ph.D. in psychology, Frankel runs Pasadena, Calif.-based Corporate Coaching International, whose clients include Goldman Sachs (GS, Fortune 500), Procter & Gamble (PG, Fortune 500), Microsoft (MSFT, Fortune 500), and Disney (DIS, Fortune 500), and many others. Frankel is also the author of several bestsellers, including Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (Business Plus, $19.95) and, most recently, See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work (Warner Business Books, $22.95).

Earlier this year, Frankel and three female colleagues launched a blog called The Thin Pink Line that serves as a forum for executive women.

“The thin pink line women managers have to walk is that invisible but ironclad space between seeming ‘too girly’ or ‘too bitchy’ to be accepted as leaders,” says Frankel. She’d like to see women widen that line by cultivating their natural abilities and creating their own leadership styles, and she thinks that is happening now. A few excerpts from our recent conversation:

http://money.cnn.com/2008/10/09/news/economy/women.power.fortune/index.htm

Enjoy!

Adrienne Graham

That is the question of the day. I was doing some research and came across an article and discussion about Forbes Life Executive Woman. FLEW is a relatively new magazine that Forbes decided to launch earlier this year or late last year targeting executive women. I subscribe to Forbes so I automatically get it each quarter. I’ve read through them and at first I was a little thrilled that Forbes decided to do a magazine for executive women. I figured it would be chock full of articles from the perspective of power women. The first issue I received was good. I was impressed and it even featured a woman in France who is a headhunter, so that spoke to me because of my industry. The articles weren’t whiny and full of the girly woe is me stuff. I looked forward to the next.

The next issue I read was focused on fashion. That kind of worried me because I thought OK, let’s not turn this into a doctored up version of Elle or Vogue. We want the business world to take us serious. Still had some good articles but I was less impressed. At this point even though I’m on my 3rd issue, I’m confused about the focus of the magazine. I’ve seen great stories about women who powered ahead to the higher ranks within corporate (still haven’t seen any ethnic women, but I’m willing to give it a chance to get better with that). I have not seen anything in there that gives strong advice to up and coming corporate women. I’ll give it one more issue.

Hey Forbes! If you’re reading, how about some diversity in your magazine?  There are some successful women of color too you know. If you look hard enough, you’ll find them.  I’d be more than happy to suggest some names for you.

But the reason for this blog post is not to discuss my opinion of FLEW. I was a little shocked by the response to the new magazine even before they barely got past the first issue. There was a lot of resistance to this magazine (mostly by women believe it or not). They said that the need to always separate and compartmentalize women is actually setting us back and not helping us. It was an interesting conversation. Here is the link: http://www.mpdailyfix.com/2007/03/do_women_need_genderspecific_b_1.html

Now I believe that the glass ceiling has long been shattered. We have some phenomenal women who made sure of that and I dare anyone to discount their contributions to breaking that ceiling. However, I do acknowledge that there are still inequities. The problem though, is not the inequities themselves, but (in my opinion) how we respond to them. On the one hand I do believe we will always need to continue the good fight. In some industries it’s going to take a much longer time to balance out. But on the other hand I feel we can’t keep playing the “girl” card all the time. Sounds weird coming from a woman who has her own women’s networks and this very blog. But you know what? I don’t limit myself. I learned a long time ago that I have to toughen up and “roll with the fellas” on occasion. It’s par for the course. But it’s up to me as an individual, as a woman, to set boundaries and expectations. It’s up to me to present myself in a manner that let’s people take me serious. I can’t play the girl card when something doesn’t go my way.

That said, if a magazine is published and it has information in there that I can take serious, or focuses on issues that men deal with but from a female perspective, I can take it serious. One such magazine I’m keeping my eye on is Pink Magazine. I happen to like the magazine and never miss an issue. I like that they don’t oversimplify the magazine or message. Yes, it’s called Pink but when you open it, there are thought provoking articles. The minute they start switching to the “girl” format, I’m done. But I think there is a need for business magazines for women. Not a ton of them, but maybe one or two that get it right. There are some magazines I’m a little disappointed in.  I really, really miss Working Woman. I’m not too happy that they converted to Working Mother because it lost some of its bite after that.

So how do you feel about having separate women’s business magazines? What are your thoughts on the comments made by women in the article above?

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

What’s the purpose of networking if it doesn’t work for me? That’s what I was asked last week.

I posted a comment in the Answers section of Linked In asking for advice on a cover for my new book Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers- The Modern Girl’s Guide to Fearless Network. A woman commented that she wouldn’t buy a book on networking because she had done it all and tried it all and networking doesn’t work for her.  To each his or her own and I respect her comment. But it made me wonder what was it that she thought she was doing that she considered it to be networking and did she have that same negative attitude that came through very loudly through my computer screen?  I sent her a private note because since I didn’t know her situation I didn’t want to comment publicly. So far, she has not responded.

Now I get the fact that networking doesn’t come naturally to all people.  But come on.  It’s about relationship building.  I keep drumming that point home every time I speak about networking.  There are a lot of people out there who think showing up at a networking event, introducing themselves to a few people and exchanging cards is networking. Or that connecting to a bunch of people on Facebook or Linked In is considered being “well networked”. They think that sending out their resume to everyone they know announcing they need a job or a resume critique (when you haven’t heard from them in ages) is networking.  What amazes me is when they have the nerve to get mad when they get no or minimal response.

Let’s face facts, networking is a contact sport. It only works when you are actively engaged with other people and GIVING BACK.  Your network is not there to serve you when you happen to be in a bind.  It is there for your to grow and cultivate. People like to help or do business with people they know.  Until that is ingrained in your mind, you will never be able to network effectively. Stop blaming it on other people.  It’s all you. If you are serious about becoming an effective networker, be prepared to learn about the process and step out of your comfort zone. Start learning to hold yourself accountable and make the effort to get to genuinely know people.  Don’t assume because someone knows you that they owe you something.  They don’t. And finally don’t just reach out to people when you need something. Keep those lines of communication open during good and bad times. Make sure you are keeping in touch with people even when you’re not looking for anything to let them know what you’re up to.  But most importantly see what you can do for someone else.

So to all of you who claim networking doesn’t work for you, I challenge you to step back and look at yourself and resolve to find another way to make it work for you. If you don’t know how, make sure you buy my new book. 😉

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

How many times have you been at a job where you felt nothing but dread each day you got up, and even worse on Mondays?  How many projects did you work on where people stole credit for your ideas and received all the glory?  How many times have you bumped heads with your boss and didn’t receive that pay increase you know you deserve?  Well maybe the universe is trying to tell you something.  Perhaps you need to stop talking and just sit and listen.

We are a long way from the days where loyalty is rewarded in the corporate world.  The average corporate climber stays at a job a maximum of 3-5 years these days.  It is no longer seen as a stigma by recruiters to prefer to work temporary or contract positions or to change jobs (for advancement purposes) often. So why do so many people stay in jobs they hate?  A job can be a lot like marriage.  You come into a committed relationship and vow to uphold your duties and give your best effort.  Some where along the line, the relationship starts to break down because you’ve outgrown it.  But the reasons why people stay in jobs and remain miserable vary as much as there are people in the world.  The single mom who is raising her kids all alone may not have the luxury of just quitting to start over.  The older woman who is looking to shift gears may encounter ageism when she tries to find something else. The high school graduate who chose not to go to college may not have the education requirements demanded of a new job.  But the number one reason I often hear is fear.

Fear can make you do some strange things.  It can make you accept situations that under normal circumstances you would never tolerate.  It can make you doubt yourself and talk yourself out of stepping out on faith to start a new business.  That fear is nothing to sneeze at!  But you can contain it.  Instead of letting the fear drive you into a safety zone or give you a case of paralysis, tap into it.  I know that a lot of things scare me, but I don’t let them dictate how I will live my life.  If anything, I’ve found that fear has forced me to make some tough decisions and take chances I may not have ever taken.  You can’t let it control or consume you.  You have a right to be happy and enjoy the work you do.  You don’t have to put up with jerks in the office or an overbearing bitch as a boss.  Start by taking an inventory of your solid core skills.  Use them as the foundation for starting a new business or going after that dream career.

The internet levels a whole lot of playing fields. Take that time you would have spent surfing the web, reading OMG for celebrity gossip or shopping online and start researching opportunities.  See what types of jobs are posted in your chosen field.  See who the industry heavyweights are and reach out to them.  Read up on the latest happenings in the key player companies in the industry so you know what you’re getting into.  Start creating your professional profile so that as you begin making moves, people can learn more about you. Investigate blogging and start writing about your expertise.  No, don’t create a brag blog.  Just begin sharing your thoughts and knowledge on what you know about best.

If you are really unhappy in a position, consider returning to school or enrolling in a training program that will allow you to take courses online or in the evening or weekends.  If education is a critical component of your future success, go for it.  Don’t think of it as more money spent or time you won’t get to sleep.  Think of it as an investment in your happiness. And make sure that you find the appropriate courses and programs and that they will be beneficial to your career.

Finally, give some thought to going out on your own. I am, always have been, and always will be a staunch supporter of entrepreneurship.  Because of and in spite of tough economic times like we are in, I believe building your own business gives you the control and final word on you professional life.  I can tell you without hesitation I never liked working for someone else.  Dare I say I hated it.  I always knew I had certain talents and hated to have other people pigeon hole or decide for me what I should do.  I guess you can say I am anti-establishment! LOL  But I use that plus fear to keep me motivated to never have to return to someone else’s office again.  But running a business is hard work and not for everyone.  If you have the passion, professional or creative skill and overwhelming faith and passion, then I’d say give it a chance.  But if you’re undisciplined and slack off at every chance you get, entrepreneurship probably isn’t for you.

The bottom line is you are in control of your professional destiny. You can’t lay that at someone else’s feet. Yes, others may be in a position of authority over you (like a boss), but ultimately it is up to you to show them why they hired you and ask for what you want.  Require respect and set expectations from day one.  That way nobody can say they didn’t know.  When you feel that you’ve maxed out at a job, start looking elsewhere.  Don’t stay out of obligation or because you’re scared you won’t find something else.  Trust me, you will.  But you have to make it happen. Life is too short to be miserable or stuck in a job you hate.

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

Hi all. I decided to share snippets from Chapter 5 of my book. It is not the entire chapter, only selected passages. Enjoy.

5/ A Closed Mouth Don’t Get Fed (Asking For What You Want)

…..I have blogged and written ad-nauseum about how women don’t ask for what they want. The fact is most of us don’t. In the very beginning, I had problems asking for what I wanted because I didn’t want to come off as bothersome or a pest. Remember a few chapters back when I told you what my Mom said about “bothering people”? Thank God I am that stubborn non-conforming child in the family! I had to learn that I had to speak up for what I wanted. That if I expected to be successful, that meant that I had to do a little asking at times.

As women, we are sometimes afraid of being assertive or standing out because we think we may be labeled as pushy or a bitch. Don’t let that fear stop you from speaking out or asserting yourself. Use that assertiveness to your advantage. As a Black and Latina woman, I use every advantage I have as leverage. Whatever it takes, I will make sure people get to know who I am. You’ve got to get people interested in you and give them reasons for wanting to see more of you. If I spent my days worrying about if people won’t accept me because I’m a woman, or Black or Latina, or a mom, or a small business owner, or whatever, I’d be pretty miserable……

Build a solid network and use it.

There are so many people who tell me “I can’t network. I don’t know what to say to people.” Well I usually tell them to get over it. You cannot succeed in the business world without interacting with people. You just can’t. You don’t necessarily have to become BFFs. But you must on a basic level have the ability to strike up conversations and the timing skills to know when to strike or move on an opportunity. As much as I hate to admit it, there is still an unspoken truth that it’s all in who you know, not what you know that determines the outcome of your success.

If you are not comfortable with speaking to “strangers”, start off small. Talk to colleagues. No, not the gossipy water cooler types. Nobody needs to talk to them. They aren’t looking to improve or move up the corporate ladder. Their main goal in life is to gossip about Laura’s ugly new shoes or Dave’s hair piece. Seek out forward moving success magnets. Those are the ones who dedicate themselves to getting the job done. They have that brass ring within their sight and only surround themselves with like minded people. They don’t let anything or anyone stand in their way of success. A word of warning though. Those overly aggressive ambitious types can be dangerous. You know who they are, the ones who would step on their own mother to succeed. They may be beneficial to your success if you understand the rules of engagement. Keep these people in your sight at all times to avoid that knife in your back.

Reach out to people within your own sphere. Relatives can be a good source. Ask who they know and what introductions they can make. This is not the time to be shy. I know that my family members and friends are amazed at the people I know and network with. But see, there is a caveat to asking for intros and referrals. You must be able to come to the table with something. If you are a customer service rep (for example) why do you need to be introduced to the COO of Nike who knows your cousin? See where I’m going with this? I always say the sky is the limit, but by the same token aim within reason. Anyone in your immediate network (friends, family, neighbors, etc) can be a source of leads.….

…..Do you know what your friends and family do? No really, besides being a Realtor or school teacher or IT consultant or business owner, what do they do? Do you know who they socialize and network with? What kind of professional activities do they do or events do they attend? What are their professional interests? Have you ever bothered to ask? If you want to tap into your “base network” you need to start having these conversations. Take a few of them out to lunch or coffee. Prepare a few questions for them ahead of time so you can have a meaningful conversation. Get to know how their sphere of influence works and figure out how you can tap into that. The more information you get from them, the better you can determine if they can help you….

…..Suppose you find out they like golf and they live near you. Suggest you meet for a round of golf and lunch. The golf course is a hot spot for networking. But you better brush up on your game before offering such a meeting. There are many pro shops that have lessons for low cost. You can go to any public course and practice putting and chipping balls. If you are serious about learning the game, I would suggest going to the pro shop and asking about lessons. Of course I would do this way before asking someone to a game of golf. You don’t want to embarrass yourself, do you?

Wait, you don’t have any golf clubs? No problem, most people don’t. My first set of golf clubs were purchased at a garage sale for $25 and I still have them. The bag has gotten damaged, but the clubs are perfect. As I started learning, I got my son and a few friends into it. I took them straight to the Goodwill and thrift shops. You’d be amazed at what you can find. Remember, affluent people often need to have write offs so they donate items. Golf clubs in great condition are donated all the time. I purchased my son’s set (I had to dig hard to mix and match to make a full set) plus bag for $12. And there were a ton of balls left in the pocket of the bag to boot! My point is, you don’t have to go Tiger Woods and buy the $500 set of clubs. Learn the game with used clubs and when you’re comfortable, treat yourself to new ones. But I promise you that you will be just fine with used ones. The bottom line is golf is the international game of networking. Learn it….

…..If activity is not in the cards for you, try a different approach. Why not host a breakfast, brunch or lunch? It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. You can get 5-6 people together for some food and conversation. If you make it a casual, relaxed environment, people are more willing to engage in conversation. Have an informal agenda and plan some communication activities for the event. For example, ask each guest to bring a mini bio of themselves and one or two of their urgent networking needs. This usually goes over well in my networking events. It gives everyone a chance to get to know each person and understand what they are looking for, as well as gives others a chance to possibly help them. It makes everyone feel like a participant and deflects from the fact that you are the person in need. In helping yourself, you are in turn helping others and that is what networking is all about. But if you don’t ask, you don’t get.….

…..Starbucks has become the unofficial hotspot for meeting people. The other day I decided to go to Starbucks to get out of the house and see if I could overcome my writer’s block. It was a beautiful day, and although I hate coffee, I love the energy of the people who go to Starbucks. This particular Tuesday morning, I decided to sit outside to work on my writing. I noticed three different clusters of men, each chatting and discussing business details in their respective groups. The group closest to me consisted of 3 men discussing what appeared to be a big real estate deal. They were deep in conversation and it fascinated me. They talked about their plans for their business venture and how each would fit into the project. Behind me were two gentlemen who apparently had just met, but were brought together by an acquaintance. They discussed possible synergies they had regarding some IT project they were interested in collaborating on. They shared their work styles and hopes for the project. The third group, well I couldn’t hear them too much because I guess whatever they were discussing was top secret. But they looked like they were deep in thought and intensely in conversation.

I share this because they took the stuffiness out of a traditional meeting and got down to business….at the local Starbucks. Not all meetings need to be in a conference room or an office. As I looked around both inside and outside of Starbucks, I didn’t notice any women meeting. It made me kind of sad. I would have loved to see some women power meeting and hammering out deals. While this is not the first time I’ve encountered this, I felt compelled to share because of the intense vibe I got from those men. On this particular day I chose not to approach any of them. But know and believe I have been known to introduce myself at a Starbucks. I have yet to get shut down. It’s all part of my charm I guess. Like my Daddy said, a closed mouth don’t get fed. And I don’t know about you, but I like to be fed…well. So I open my mouth when it is called for. You never know who you may meet at the local Starbucks, bookstore, etc.

For those shy gals in the audience, I understand that some of these practices may be beyond your comfort zone. In that case start off using the internet, but don’t let that be your end all be all. The internet has allowed us in the last 10-15 years to level almost every playing field. It has allowed us to connect in ways that we could not have imagined just five short years ago. There are search engines, portals, information sites, networking sites, community networking, message forums, real time communications, websites and more. You do yourself a grave disadvantage if you don’t learn to use it and tap into the power of it properly…..

…..The internet is a wonderful thing and I am grateful that I have it to make my job a little easier. But it can make you lazy. You must cultivate your business relationships that you form online and eventually bring them offline. Let’s say you meet someone on Linked In or Viadeo, or any other online professional networking tool, and it’s not someone you know or are relatively acquainted with. Immediately suggest a phone conversation. Take the time to introduce yourself and let the person know how you see them networking with you. And then continue the dialog. You don’t have to speak every week, or every month for that matter. But you do want them to keep you in the forefront of their minds. Don’t approach your relationships with a “set it and forget it” mentality or worse “what’s in it for me”. It takes real work and commitment. I usually work on a relationship on and off for the better part of a year. If the person does not show any interest in building some sort of basic relationship with me, I keep it moving. Why waste my time or theirs.

A year gives me plenty of time to decide if this person is valuable to me. It’s not like you can make that type of assessment in one or two meetings with someone. You must take the time to get to know and understand the person enough to determine if they are a valuable asset or an albatross. The sooner you make the realization the better for you. But you must put in the effort…..

Copyright ©2008 by Adrienne Graham. All Rights Reserved.
ISBN Number: 978-0-615-25666-5

Go Ahead, Talk to Strangers will be available for purchase in the coming weeks. Please stay tuned to the blog for more details.

Til Next Time

Adrienne Graham