No matter what anyone tells you, YOU and YOU alone are accountable for your actions, career, life. I run into women who make any kind of excuse and blame everybody but the right body for the state of their lives. It’s always easier to place blame when you have someone or some thing to place it on. I’m a generous listener, but I’ve go to tell you, I have no patience or time for whiners. Especially whiners who insist on ignoring their own role in their unhappiness.

I’ve been shouting to the rooftops that 2010 is a year of reinvention and upgrade. Now I’ll bring out the old sayings: “If you don’t like the situation you’re in, change the situation” “If you don’t like the people you’re around, change the people around you” and my favorite “God gives you the tools and the resources, but it’s up to YOU to use them”. I can’t tell you how many times in a month I have to utter one or more of these phrases. I’m all about empowerment and professional development for women, so it’s gets uncomfortable for me to listen to whining. Even if I can see objectively from the outside and recommend solutions, some people will still hold on to being miserable. Now here’s where people will sy to me “have some compassion”. I will not. Not for someone who doesn’t want to make an effort to change things. I can’t in good consciousness allow someone to pour their heart out to me and walk away determined to NOT take any steps to improve. I’m not wired that way. Instead of bitching about what’s WRONG, how about you start focusing on what’s right, then create a game plan on how to improve your situation.

This year I will not be understanding. It is my mission to EMPOWER women and tell them the truth, straight with no chaser. I’m not in the coddling business. I will let people talk about their issues. But then you had better be ready to find real solutions and make a real commitment to improving things. If I come back in six months and you’re still complaining about the same things, I’ll know you have no desire to do better. We all have the capability, no matter what our background, race, gender, religious beliefs, etc to succeed. The difference between the winners and the losers of the world is the winners don’t settle. Are you a winner or loser? Make sure when you feel compelled to complain about what you don’t have, can’t do or won’t get, be sure you point that finger at yourself. Then work on figuring out the solution.

None of us are in a position to complain about anything. Look at the devastation that the Haitian people have had to endure. Yet many are remaining hopeful and focused on prayer. So what you couldn’t get that raise. People in Haiti can’t get food and medical help. But they’re going to persevere. What are you willing to do to improve your situation? It cold be something as complex as returning to school or training to improve your skills, or something as simple as changing your attitude. In my conversation with Barbara Corcoran last week she said the most profound thing. “Nobody has to give a damn about you”. Truer words have never been spoken.
You’ve got to stand up for yourself and make conscious decisions for your professional development.

So my friends, the next time you feel compelled to complain about your circumstances, please stop and take a look yourself and think about the ways you are responsible for them and what you can do to change them.

Til next time.

Adrienne Graham

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